I can’t begin to express how liberated I feel. For all of my teenage years I was a shame of who I am. My skin colour, height, hair, dentures and shape. Even before my body was fully developed I didn’t like it. As a child in junior school I was teased about my “Black Skin”. There was this particular instance where a classmate of mine held a black book bag against my skin and said look, they almost exact, causing the entire class to go off in laughter. (N.B: That person today wanted to manage my modelling career. Black me). I was filled with so much anger and hatred that as soon as I started earning my first dollar I purchased “skin bleaching creams”. It was my little secret to the world but to me I felt dejected even though I knew it would eventually work. After three bottles I found I was still to black, so I stayed inside as much as I could so the sun won’t add to my black complexity. You may say I was stupid but that makes many of us. The world is filled with black girls like me who hates their colour. Everything that makes us beautiful.
(This is an ad in one of our local magazines) – Black me. 🙂
One day I sat with my aunt discussing my disgust with my hair type and openly wishing I had ” good hair”. She then asked the most amazing question. “What is good hair?” It startled me at first and then I exclaimed with force, soft curly hair or as we say in Trinidad and Tobago “Dougla (Pronounced dough – gla) hair”. She immediately scolded me, saying “rubbish” explaining to me that, good hair is hair well taken care off. I refuted that answer because at the time I was still illiterate to my powerful existence. I guess she was motivated to help me see my true beauty. So the very next morning while combing my hair in the mirror, she asked. “What do you see? Who is that black girl looking back at you? Boy is she beautiful and I blushed. She said waow… that girl has a beautiful smile causing me to melt down and cry uncontrollably. Its from that moment I decided to try looking at myself surpass what the public saw. This was not as easy as I thought. So I relapsed into that destructive way of thinking from time to time. However I met this young man who fell in love with what my aunt saw. He met me with permed hair but asked politely “babe can you cut your hair and go natural. Let me see how you will look”. That question came in a time, when I myself was feeling for a change. So I did it without hesitating and guess what, this is one move I never and will never regret.
Being natural opened up my eyes to the real me and boy I am PROUD to be black and have this nappy head of mines. My confidence level went from 10 to infinite (no cocky though…lol). Ladies do you know how beautiful your black skin is? Nubian princess. The way I feel words can’t even explain. Its like a new being has emerged. I’ve always had hobbies but they were dormant. Now. they are locked into. I’ve become so enthusiastic about sharing my experiences and knowledge with my sisters as well as learning from them. It’s like, the world is now at my feet. I literally look myself in the mirror every morning and say “Dang girl, you’re beautiful”. I start my day with the right spirit. Man, I’ve even learnt to smile through trying times. I can smell success in my atmosphere. It’s not going to come so easy; off course I have to work for it but the best part of it all is, I have the zeal and is ready to do so. Wish you all can see the smile on my face, even as I’m writing. My significant other told me two nights ago, “I am happy because I am seeing you grow”. That felt so good, like Cadbury chocolate kind of good to see that its being acknowledged. I know this is just the beginning. Now being addicted to writing, you can only imagine what’s about to come.
You see, this feeling came through acceptance. If I was still in that place of not loving myself for who I am and still using bleaching creams and tonnes of make-up (Not that make-up is wrong. I wear at special occasion :)). I won’t be where I am now. I won’t feel fulfilled and definitely would not have had this blog. This came through me finally loving me. (Breaking News) OMG… I just got some exciting news. (Once properly established, I will update you guys.) But you see, just as I am writing about “accepting to succeed”, I recieved a phone call of a lifetime. Ladies, listen to me and listen well; DON’T let anyone define you but define yourself to them. It doesn’t matter if your black like charcoal or is protected by light brown skin, learn to love yourself. It would be the best thing you ever did. Know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made by God and that makes you special. Accept you and the world of success also will.
Love you guys – Candace
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