For those of you who read my first blog “True Friends”, this is the follow-up that was promised. For those of you who didn’t, I suggest you do before you get to reading this one. Here is the link to pt 1: https://theladiesfeed.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/true-friend/
In this article, I will be sharing some of my experiences of friendships and how I got over the hurt with you. As we all should know, a friend is an addition to your family. Be it internal or external. So that means, just like family, if you argued, it should be just that and even if you and the person stays angry for a couple of days, the love in that friendship should be able to deal with the situation and blow it over. I guess in my former method of choosing friends, or maybe I didn’t have a method and so I just allowed any person who came my way in, is the main reason I went through all I did with “friends”.
Experience 1: This occurred back in junior school or primary school as we call it. Although I was often heckled in school, I never took it to personal to the point where I didn’t talk to my classmates. I guess that was the humble childish attribute of me. There was this particular time, I remained in school because a couple of my classmates and I was rehearsing for an upcoming event. A friend of mine, went home to my parents and told them she left me in the back of the school with a particular male student. For some of you, it may be a child just being foolish, but my friend knew what my parents reaction would have been and still did it. My father came over to the school, shouting my name and searching for me frantically, I’m sure with whooping me in his mind, only to realize the truth. Thank God that was not my mother. I would have been whooped before, I could explain. What did I do? Obviously not what I would have done now….lol. I was a child and so continued talking to this person but it faded away after graduating to different high schools. It did teach me a lesson but I guess I was naive and threw it aside, thinking as I was getting older, I would automatically know, who is right and wrong for me.
Experience 2: There were minor events which happened before this and although, I say minor, it’s only when I was analysing myself and trying to do an internal clean up, I realize it was not so minor. I was carrying it with me. However, this incident was one of the first that made me realize, something was wrong with me and I needed to let go. I started working for a very prominent company in Trinidad. While being there, a friendship was made with a person whom I knew from one of our churches. We’ve been on a couple of camp trips before but never became friends until then. This was my first bond with someone in the work world and after just coming out from school. It’s that time, I’ve always dreamt of. We went out often, shopped, chilled etc. Its was so much fun. We even shared and kept secrets with and for each other. Or so I thought. You would think, with us being so cosy, if something great was to happen to me or her we would be equally happy for each other. Well, I found out that was not the case where she was concern. After being employed for a couple of months, I moved up to another location and position. That was the beginning of the end. I tried carrying on the friendship but she was always snobbish. I knew something was wrong. Then I heard all the rumours being spread about me and it was all based on me moving up. She even made a remark to me ” Where horse reach, jackass does reach”. After that, it was a total lock off. That hurt me so much because I was there for her in the toughest time. What do I mean? I was there with her, when she found her husband walking into another woman’s arm. She fainted and I was the one to catch her. So to know something so small could have brought about that drastic change, it killed me. It took me some time to get over. Prayer was the key to that solution. I forgave her and moved on. To my greatest surprise, this person has made several attempts to try mending the friendship but as I often say in times like these, “Once bitten, twice shy”. 🙂
More experiences: As I said in my former blog, if I should share it all with you, the blog won’t stop….lol. So I’m going to touch a couple of others in the shortest way possible and then get into the purpose of this blog. The saga continued when I started college. Yes it took me so long to wake up. I am a people person but I’ve learnt, I can be a people person but “I” comes before “P” in the alphabet. I need to care about me and my welfare in order to effectively care and deal with people. A friendship with someone who I never thought would happened, did. Everyone who came in contact with this person, said no to me. They were not feeling her but it was me. I was, so whatever. (Learning to listen also.) There were signs of disloyalty and her using me for what she wanted but I guess they were not to glaring or I was just dumb. The truth however came out during a festive time in 2011. The friendship became rocky and to a halt for a ticket. A blinking ticket to a show. The circumstances in which it happened was so unfortunate that it did not demand a controversy. No it didn’t stop there, I helped this person one last time and again I saw the signs of disloyalty. At this point, talking to the person would not change anything. She would often use remarks in my presence like she has no friends and “ah doh like yuh” in playful way but I know it’s true. I know in her head, I am not her friend, even when she was in mine. No longer will I fight for it. However someone I considered more than any of the persons who hurt me, was the last straw. To make a long story short, I was betrayed beyond compare and it’s just before the establishing of this blog, I was able to let go. Actually my recovering is the main reason, I started writing.
My experiences to some would be tough and to others, I ain’t face anything yet. More happened but all in all, I’ve burnt from trusting people without analysing them and letting them in. As my former blog says, I now operate by my rules of friendship (See link above for blog). As I’ve advised before, it would be great to come up with some of yours, since all our experiences would be entirely different. The constancy however is we deal with people and must be careful with the ones we let in and the ones we keep at bay. I am now more private and trust me it’s working wonders. I have one true friend and even she does not know it all. I am even more assertive in my decisions and makes sure that they are not influenced by any one else. Friends can carry you and not bring you back. So don’t be the follower, be the leader. When you lead, assessing people becomes much easier.
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