We choose who, what and how we will be in each moment. If you want to change your relationships, change yourself. If you want change, then become different. Moment by moment, day by day. As you change, your relationships will change. You must embrace what you want and release what you don’t want. That is your responsibility, not to chain yourself to old habits or patterns of behavior — and, thereby, not chain yourself to relationships that no longer serve you. You cannot control others, but you can control yourself. Does this mean that commitment means nothing? Of course not. Commitment can be the highest expression of love between two people. But you owe it to yourself and your relationship to ask: What are you committing to? And what is your commitment? Commitment means aiming for the best possible sharing and growth for your relationship — for you and for your partner — as circumstances or the present allows. Commitment, however, does not mean being shackled forever by an unfulfilling, unrewarding or outgrown relationship. The choice and the responsibility is our own. As my friend Allison Rae of Sedona, Ariz. (See her webpage: The Star Center at http://www.thestarcenter.org) relates, we must in this time of change align ourselves first with our higher selves. It may be that our relationships are falling away as we do this. But we must do it for our own salvation, our commitment to ourselves to fulfil our greatest destiny. “As we align, we raise our frequency. As we raise our frequency, we notice old relationships falling away with others who do not share our values, our ideals, our commitment to spiritual growth. We release and grieve the loss,” she says. “This creates an opening for new partners to enter our lives. Conscious relationship involves two beings whose first commitment is to Spirit — service to the divine force of all Creation and the path of conscious evolution. With that commitment firmly in place, we are then able to draw in a partner of similar intent. But if we do have a partner who is on the same path, we can continue to grow and evolve in love, commitment and service.
“The most honest commitment we can make with our human partner,” she says, is to share the Earth walk for as long as it serves our growth and the divine plan. “Our biggest challenge in conscious relationship is to open our heart fully and freely, without fear of the pain of loss. Like everything else, relationships follow the flow of Creation. They begin, they grow, they end. If we are afraid of the ending from the beginning, we will not receive the growth. We must open our hearts to fully feel and experience all phases of the relationship in order to move forward on our soul path.”
If there is a commitment between two partners to grow together, they must commit to change: change in self, change in the other, change in relationships. Yes, there is the risk of loss, of losing the relationship, but there is also risk for the greater reward: a lasting, loving, growing relationship that becomes ever richer and fulfilling.
Relationships grow through change; they are renewed through change.