“There she is, perched high on the stool, looking out at the crimson red sky, being amazed by the beauty of the setting sun, feeling alive and enthused on the inside because she just shared something so deep and inspirational to her well seated online audience. It was the dawn of a new day in her life and this she believed with all her heart. Feeling energized and full of knowledge through her God-given revelation, what can stop her now? Or so she thought until she awoke in total shambles the next two morning, crying and howling over somethings she went through in her past. How could this be? She is now thinking. I thought I told the people “the past is the past and it is over once God said it is over”. So how now, I am here howling in pain due to the same thing? I guess this is what happens when you preach”.
That girl is me. Two days ago, I reintroduced myself to my online family by sharing what I thought and still know to be a thrilling fact of true deliverance from self. However, I woke up this morning, apart from being sick with fever and joint pains, disoriented and regurgitating things of my past, wondering if the same would happen to me again. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? You can only imagine how I felt and still feels on the inside. Why is this a thought? How can I possibly be thinking about the past and feeling threatened about the future? This must be a joke or so I thought with a bit of rage on the inside. Then I remember having a conversation with a Pastor who told me, after you preach, you then have to prove it in your life. Is it Gods way of conditioning and pruning you to who he wants to be? Or is it the devil trying to tamper with your message? Whichever it may be, the real deal comes after you preach and by preach I mean, share, talk, inspire, etc on the altar of life.
So instead of feeling ashamed of my “relapse”, I started thanking God for my melt down because I know it will lead me straight to the altar of sacrifice before God, to get rid of the dregs of the past and to blossom into an even more beautiful soul. It’s just another test of my faith but according to James 1:3 – knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. Patience is more than waiting but rather it is, the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. Anxious! The foundation on which my melt down began. I thank God for sharing what I did with you two days ago and I simultaneously give thanks for my melt down. The end of this test would bring such sweet victory and awesome testimony, I would be bursting with joy.
Have you ever found yourself in like position? Did you give in to it or saw it as a stepping stone to continue pressing on and building good character because in my humble opinion, that’s what it is. Actually, it’s the same to God. Romans 5:3-5 – And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. I now view melt downs as champion boosters. It’s a good stepping stone only when channeled in the right direction. Losing heart and giving in is not even in a thought to consider. If you did fall of track because you feel like it made no sense since you relapse, think again. You are on the right track. You can’t just talk the talk baby. You have to walk the talk. Your true life begins after you preach. So fight on and live it out.
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