We all get angry from time to time and each individual expresses their anger differently. As for me, I will say that, the rage that carried my anger for years, left physical memories in my room and my heart. God had to deal with my heart severely. Practically having to do a transplant and give me a new heart, for the old one was too tarnished to fix. You may think because I got a new heart, my anger would have been expressed differently. Well I am proud to tell you that………………………………….. it is. Got ya..lol. Seriously though, I do see a difference in my approach to situations that upsets me.
However, it was not and still at times isn’t easy. There is a constant battle between the flesh and the Holy Spirit to maintain an order, especially when it comes to my parents. I always use this expression, “say what you want about me but you see my parents, hush cuz we will fall out”. Yes! At those times, my dialect finds it way to the surface. Having grown up in church, with my dad being a Pastor, it was not easy for me. I had to sit back and watch him bear so much pain, together with my mother from congregational issues. Thank God in operating on me, the anger I once felt towards a lot of people was removed. Today though, it tried to rear its head again. My father is now eighty years and is the senior Pastor of our church. The intended Junior Pastor sent my mother a text message informing her that she would not be in church for the next six weeks and they need to find help. Well, you can only imagine how much I felt like blowing off the lid because to me, that was utter disrespect. Especially since she was TEN FOOTSTEPS away and could have walked over and discussed the issues with both my parents. My mind was saying, “God just give me five minutes please, I want to handle this”; But for nothing he allowed me but rather reminded me that the battle is not mines but his. It took some real meditation to get over the issue and I mean real meditating.
It’s now afternoon and as I reflect on the matter, which is not yet resolved, I thank God for the Holy Spirit in all his wisdom. If I were to do, what I wanted to, a raging fire would have started. It would have been an exchange of words and who knows what else. Thank God wisdom wisdom prevailed. Sometimes, we feel the need to say, we feel the need to let them have it but indirectly we are feeling the need to cause discord and havoc. A plan often used by the enemy. We focus so much on the matter and what we have to say, that the repercussions of our actions are only thought of, in its expression. I know this will take time to develop but just like me, I beseech you to try the Holy Spirit. Depend on him for your help because he is WISE and does no wrong or anything to harm us. The bible says, God sent us a comforter in the form of the Holy Spirit. In that, he is also a peacemaker and peace is ONLY of God. It is better to pray an angry prayer and pour our how you feel to God than to dispense acid on the person and get an unexpected retaliation. Even in releasing rage, let WISDOM prevail.