It’s a hard reality to face when you thought you were independent and suddenly realize you were existing in unseen dependence It nullifies your “independence”.
My heart cringed at the thought. The feeling of splendor had to evacuate my head once and for all because I was not who I thought myself to be. ” I trust God”, is what I’d say and with much conviction but when the tests of life came my mantra would turn into a tantrum. Though the girl who says “I trust God”,knows the bible says to keep her eyes focus on Jesus, neither looking left nor right, she would often look left, right, up, down and even center. All the cardinal points would be involved in her madness.
Recently as I read the word of God, the Holy Spirit began ministering to me, through my thoughts. Why was I really ” friendless”, as I often calls it? To my surprise I heard these words, “unseen dependence”. God did not wait for me to ponder on this but rather stripped it into infinitesimal pieces. You see, I being an only child never knew what it is to be really alone until I lost my friends. My parents took care of ” orphans” and so I always had company. My personality of pure sweetness, drew me to be very friendly, sometimes “too friendly” as I was told. So how then am I “friendless”? It seems to me that every time I got close to someone, they would be taken away from me. Be it for a while or forever, it would happen. Then God hit me with the bomber. These people would often take the place of God in my life. When I am going through the fire, though I know he would walk with me, I was always ready to call a friend and another friend to talk, murmur or maybe complain about my issues. Yes I did pray but sought their faces instead of God. Can you imagine how sick I felt to grasp this understanding? That’s why I felt miserable when I had ” no one” around. My unseen dependence caused me to depend on these people to feel a particular way, when I should be leaning on Jesus to feel that way. That’s also another reason it was easy for me to get hurt. The way I had relations with these people, blinded me to visible traits that would have been noticed had I put God first before friendships.
Ah Candace, you were not so independent after all, though to yourself you were. I felt small but privileged to have a friend that sticks closer than a brother to reveal this to me. I am now reconnecting with people (at my new church) and things are looking up. I know that beautiful friendships would be built because I am now on the right track. God first, every and anyone else after.
Sometimes we can become so dependent on others without realizing. Some of us blame others and concludes we don’t need friendships but its not so. We need friendships. People need people but not more than we need God. We need God to decipher who our true friends are not our friends to do Gods work which they really can’t do. God is now teaching me to stand on my two feet in HIM. My dependence should always be on him. This life is not my own but it belongs to God, not people.
Be God centered and not people centered. Let your dependence be on God and this will be the foundation for beautiful friendships.
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