Today is exactly eight (8) months and fourteen (14) days since I have documented anything about the renewed project. Most of you might have forgotten that I launched a personal challenge for my life called, “The Renewed Project” and I don’t blame you because I did also. Yes I know. You are thinking, “She not serious”; but yes I am.
Family this has been a rough (emphasized) season for me. Before I wrote this blog, I did a little recapping on my former submittables and was moved to tears. In each post I saw a strength that I have prayed for and I am now asking myself, “Where did it go? Where is that girl? Please come back Candace”. There was I, pushing you to “NEVER GIVE UP” and “TRUST GOD IN THE STORM” but for this category 7 storm I have gone through and is still going, I almost gave up and stop trusting God in the process. Yes I am admitting it because I believe it’s important that you all know how weak I got. Weak. Very weak BUT GOD.
I can boldly say BUT GOD because somehow, through the pain, he touched me. Even when I did not recognize he was touching me, I was being touched. My prayer life dwindled tremendously and did so simultaneously with my WORD life. The days I read, my faith was boosted but for five minutes and then it was back to square one. “What was really going on with me”? For the life of me I could not have grasped the understanding of this season (yes its still here). However, I saw some things in me that I thought was DEAD. It’s either they were never dead and just subdued or was brought back to life through insurmountable doubting. In which ever way it came, those dirty traits were there and needed filtering. My family and significant other suffered at my hands because I did not know how to deal with what I was going through. I was ready to give up. One day I even told God, “I am tired of this and will not commit suicide, so please take me”. What a stupid thing to ask because the mere idea that I got up day by day, though the storms were raging, meant that God had/ has a purpose for me to accomplish. However, in my mind it was “whatever! I am tired”.
Tired of what though? If I was to go in-depth of my situation (which I will over time), I am sure you would say, “Girl please. You ain’t got problems” but for me it was so gigantic. As I mentioned earlier, I saw some dirty traits; things that needed to go. I will vehemently say that, with such an acrimonious spirit, God was/ is not going to give me what he has for me because it will become contaminated. Sorry for the plain talk but I adamant on keeping it real. I am not going to be clandestine about this because often times we hide our faults from people and not help another realize, they too have a problem and can move on.
In me initiating this project, little did I know that it was going to take me on such a roller coaster journey. You know those that causes you to “throw up”. I would say my “throwing ups” were the getting rid of filthy rags. Things that will abort or stunt purpose-driven growth. As I sat on my couch tonight and cried out to God, he led me back to this project and I am ever so thankful for the Holy Spirit and his leading.
It’s been ages since I sat and wrote a proper blog. Though my blog was active, many a days it was excerpts from articles I read because my heart’s desire was not to have a dormant website, since I believe in my heart, this is Gods work. I am ecstatic to say that this piece is a reintroduction piece, for which words cannot express my present feeling. All of this was written to say that I have learnt so much along this tedious journey and will be sharing with you all. Many of the things I about to write may leave you flabbergasted but it is all in the end to give YAHWEH the praise.
Thank you for being a faithful, loving and supporting family to me. I love you all dearly.
Submitted by: Candace Cudjoe – Your friendly blogger.