Matters Of The Heart

But the goal of our instruction is love [which springs] from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith – 1 TIMOTHY 1:5 AMP  (

Reading such a profound verse caused my heart to cringe. The word, doing what it does best, cutting asunder, brought about a deep conviction within me. I first wondered if I had genuine love, followed by, what type of heart was it coming from? After receiving mutiple blows from life, one can begin to habour the rejection which springs up bitterness. Pain of any kind is never easy and as such, if you would have ever gone through emotional issues, you will be able to tell, that it can cause you to become a “hater” as it is said.

I am no hater, neither will I ever be, for I refuse to totally succumb to my injuries. However, the multiple blows did have a negative impact on my life and based on the aforementioned verse, I realized that my heart needed to be totally purged. The word of God says in Psalms 24 : 3 – 4,

Who may ascend onto the mountain of the Lord ? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart….…… PSALM 24:3‭-‬4a AMP

With some deep rooted resentment in my heart for the people who were instrumental in inflicting pain on me,  will I be able to stand in God’s holy place? ABSOLUTELY NOT! My heart first needs to be pure. Does this mean I am not a Christian? NO! Do I not love the Lord? YES I DO! Therefore my heart needs to get into alignment with his word. It’s often easier to give the reasons why we should hold on to unforgiveness, the feeling of rejection, abandonment or ill will but in wanting to please God (because of his power that is able to do exceedingly, abundantly all we can ask or think, once we avail ourselves) it should becomes just as easy to let go. 

The heart is a sacred place and out of it springs the treasure of life, therefore we must guard it (Proverbs 4:23). We must keep it holy at all times for we serve a holy God, who is the searcher of hearts. 

Never allow the matters of the heart, to cause you to sin against God. No one is worth his place. So as you go through today, I pray for you as I pray for myself, that a pure heart of genuine love will be cultivated. Bitterness will dissipate, as forgiveness is a mandate. May we live in the perfect peace that God has created for us, knowing that vengeance belongs to God and he will pay each man accordingly. Hell is real, and after facing “hell” on earth in certain situations, it is imperative that we live right, to receive that blessed place of rest when Christ returns called HEAVEN. Where there will be no more pain but everlasting worship. Think of the joy that is to come and worship God. PRAISE IN THE HAZE.
 – Candace Cudjoe


Daily Digest: The Life

An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth. This is the theory many of us live by. We keep thoughts of wicked done to us and plan our revenge with intent of more severe damage than we may have gone through. 

We often forget that vengeance belongs to God. When evil is repaid,  we become just as the persons who would have done it. Sometimes maybe worst. This often happens because we think of ourselves more highly than others. We are to (even in turmoil), love our neighbours as we love ourselves. Not love yourself and “care” a little or not at all about others.

God is looking and waiting to create a people of a renewed mind. A mind and heart that is just like him. Overlooking faults and seeing needs. If God is suppose to treat us the way we treat people, our lives would be miserable. 

Therefore, let us learn to forgive and share the heart of Christ with all men (human beings), for this is one of the wills of God concerning us. 

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12:21 NKJV

Prayer: Father I thank you for ministering to my heart by your Holy Spirit. Forgive me for harbouring hurt and unkind acts done to me. I forgive all persons associated with these thoughts and remove resentment from my life. Thank you for washing me in your blood, in Jesus name I pray. Amen.


Sometimes I Don’t Understand God

This morning I found myself being angry with God. Angry to the point where a friend sent me a message of encouragement and in my mind I thought, “I don’t want to hear nothing”. I just wanted to be angry and vent because I just can’t understand God sometimes. However there is that part of me that wants to, so I go digging and came across this beautiful poem that is helping to put my mind at ease. I am not there yet but I am trying my best to let God take over and flesh get out of  the way. I’ll Hold On by Tamela Mann is also soothing me a bit. God Help me!


I don’t understand God sometimes
In fact he almost fools me
Confuses me
Fakes me
Freaks me
Turns me around to the point where
I have no clue which way is up
I don’t understand God sometimes
I don’t get why babies die
From lack of love
And people die
from lack of rain
or from too much of it
I don’t understand why pastors get sick
Or parents die in plane crashes
Or why I can’t seem to beat the pretzel level on Mrs. PacMan
God, I just don’t understand you sometimes

But then there are the quiet times
When rain sings on old leaves
Or geese paint v’s across the clouds
Or the night sky comes out dressed in stars
And I hear you whispering softly to me
I don’t understand you sometimes God,
But there are the happy times,
The worship times,
When you are closer to me than even I am to me
And I hear your voice mingled with mine
When I see worship-joy in student eyes
And I hear truth-words fall from young mouths

I don’t understand you sometimes God,
But then there are the hard times
When it seems like all the world has run away
Or it all is chasing me
Times when the ones that said that they
Liked me
Loved me
Cared for me
Hurt me
And tore open my heart
And I was left feeling lost
And exposed
And most especially

Until I felt your presence with me
Beside me
Comforting me
Completing me
And I don’t understand you God,
But I know you were there.
I don’t understand you God,
Your ways are not my ways
But I don’t have to understand you to know
that you are God
And I am loved
And that’s enough

SHARE YOUR VOICE: Life After An Emotional Death – Domestic Violence Survivor Story


I was 19 and in my final year of school in England. He came to our church youth group with a couple of his friends. All of them were airmen from a nearby American air force base. They looked like men compared to the spotty specimens of male teenagers at our youth group and that was exciting. Finally some christian men who looked datable !! I was raised in a conservative and fundamentalist christian household and church. This was a very sheltered environment. I was not prepared for a world in which a christian was as capable of deceit as anyone else – I was raised to trust people who called themselves followers of Jesus. I was in a for a rude awakening!

We dated and he was charming; a Southern American boy who knew how to treat a lady. I felt like a princess. All that and he loved the Lord too! It seemed to good to be true. Well it was! We married and three days later I was living in Up State New York on the air-force base which was his new posting. It was the first time I had left home and here I was – before the internet and Skype, or cheap phone cards for international calls had been invented – so far from home that apart from a letter once a week I had no contact with my family. His abuse started on the wedding night but I was so naive I didn’t know that was what it was. By the time we had arrived in America and moved into our first home on the base I was so confused by his treatment of me that my head was spinning like a top. The only way I could make sense of the fact that a person could change so much in such a short time was to personalize it and to assume that I had done or said something to make him angry with me. I could not, however, remember what that might be!

I began to walk on eggshells around him as his change of mood was unpredictable – and yet, at the same time, he was the only person I knew on the whole continent. I was depending on him for socialization and comfort. On my blog in the post titled THE CONTORTIONIST, I describe the process by which gradually this abusive man manipulated me into a distorted perspective – to see things through his point of view – and give up any trust in my own judgement. Through fear it became vital at all costs not to anger him or annoy him as I would receive “rough justice” from him – when it was nearing the time for him to return from work I would literally begin to tremble with anxiety. I was not allowed to speak to him in the mornings as I cooked him his breakfast and ironed his uniform – I was not allowed to talk to him when he returned home from work in the evening as I prepared the meal and cleaned up. I was told in the evenings – even when just sitting watching television – “you are not to require conversation, it should be enough for you that I am sitting in the same room.”.

I went out to work and made my own friends, we attended church, and went to social events. All looked normal – but behind the closed front door of our house we were anything but normal. My self-esteem completely eroded, my sense of identity was invalidated – I became a hollowed out version of my former self. I could still make no sense of it, however, because my only reference point was the cracked mirror he held up to me – the only people who knew me well enough to mirror my true self to me were back in England – and so I began to believe the words my husband spoke about me and took on the distorted, fractured self image he reflected. I eventually came to believe his words of abuse – in fact they were the only words that seemed to explain the strange situation we were in and how he was not the same man I had married. It must be me – that I am a f***ing selfish bitch – and that I provoke him. It started with pushing and shoving and emotional/verbal abuse but soon he was hitting me, having affairs and walking all over me – he refused to undertake or share any household tasks at all and whatever I did in the house or kitchen was not good enough – there was constant criticism and blame but I was still expected to provide an exciting sex life in the bedroom.
All this time we continued to attend church where he played the part of perfect christian and husband. He refused, however, to read the bible or pray with me at home because, he said, “you don’t obey the verse – “wives obey your husbands” – so why should I be in the slightest bit interested in any other opinions you might have about God or the bible?” Over 10 years and the birth of a son – this abuse continued and escalated – I struggled on and just prayed daily that God would turn me into the kind of wife that would make him pleased with me so that we could have a happy life. My balanced and healthy perspective was destroyed – I was seeing things through his eyes – because to see things any other way was to incur punishment. Over time he completed his deconstruction of me. After 10 years I was close to a breakdown – my son was 2 years old – to cut a long story very very short – I fled with my son back to England. I filed for divorce and custody – he knew where we were – I did not hide from him but I knew that if I continued in the situation it would eventually kill me and leave my son to be also treated horrendously and be raised into something other that a whole person. SO finally I was free of the marriage and won custody of my son – two hard and painful years later.
How did I now go about becoming a whole person again?
I was a hollowed out shell – I didn’t really believe I was an abused wife but rather, I thought that I was a failure as a person who could not maintain a healthy marriage because of my shortcomings – it took me many years to be able to see that I had done my best whilst in relationship with someone who was emotionally damaged and abusive. Gradually over the years – it is now 28 years later – I have been able, with the support of others – both family and professionals – and the grace of a loving God – to mend the mirror and repair the fractured image of myself.


I would not wish to relive any of those experiences BUT the suffering I have endured (whilst healing as well as in the marriage – several times I would enter into a depression that caused me to wish this life was over as the pain of abuse resurfaced and the inner dialogue stemming from his cruel and abusive words paralysed me with self-loathing and fear) and the recovery I have gradually walked into  have made me a stronger person. I am able to empathise with others – I have learnt to love myself – I have forgiven my ex husband – I have grown in relationship with God – my son is a successful business man, he is happy and secure and in a loving and stable marriage and they have just had their own child – I love my life now as I work with others who have had the self-belief knocked out of them. I work with them to restore their self-esteem and confidence. The journey has been hard but I am very happy in the place to which it has brought me to today.
ARISE: Would you like to SHARE YOUR VOICE? Please send us your story at Remember no names, no faces. Lets break the silence on Abuse in it’s many forms.

Pillow Talk: The All Seeing Eye

Do you have the eye to see when you are doing it wrong? Or are you stuck in your ways and prefer to stay blind while hurting others? I was the second type of person but today I say thank God that I have the eye to see and the heart that yields to him for correction and filtering. Recently my friend and I had a non verbal misunderstanding. I would whole-heartedly say that, that is the worst form of misunderstanding ever to exist. Why? Because, it leaves you with the option to formulate ideas and concepts of the situation which would most time be negative. Situations like these not verbally handled could cause degeneration of friendship, leaving matters unresolved and open to contamination (NB: Qualities of the enemy).


However in analyzing the situation, I’ve realize that I am not where God wants me to be. I know. You are sitting up in your chair now. Let me be honest with you. There are some qualities that I portrayed in the past that really hurt and affected people. Today I saw some of those qualities resurfacing. Due to my hurting over the situation, I decided to deal with it by giving the highest level of attitude (without saying a word). I only realize today how potent it was. Thank God for his spirit of conviction. He opened the eyes to see what was really happening and so I had to ask for forgiveness and say to him FIX ME LORD.

It is our mandate to be like Christ. Philippians 2:5 – Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. As I said in a recent post, when self takes over, it’s mass destruction. If I am a child of God, then I must commit to all his ways. Even in my hurting, I must love and do what is required of me. That’s what Jesus did on the cross. If you do not have the eyes to see when you are wrong, pray and ask for it because being blind will not lead you to paradise. Hurt can cause us to do silly things but remember Christ when you hurt. He hurt back on Calvary but still humbles himself and dies. Today he still hurts every time we sin. Ask God for the “all seeing eye”. The eyes of discernment. Even when it comes to measuring yourself against his word. Be assured that it would only work out for your good.


Share Your Voice – INVITATION


Arise Woman is about inspiring, building, uplifting and  boosting the lives of others. We are now allowing you the opportunity to SHARE YOUR VOICE. Have you been ….

  • Abused (Emotionally, mentally, financially, physically and otherwise)
  • Raped
  • molested
  • Hurt in the church
  • Hurt at school
  • Hurt in the office
  • Been in a domestic violent relationship
  • Been in a homosexual relationship or is presently in one
  • Have been homeless
  • A drug addict
  • An alcoholic
  • An exotic dancer
  • Or any other struggle

…… and would love to share your story of how you are currently dealing with it or got over, then look no further, you can send us an email at

Many are waiting on your story to ARISE. The only thing required is your story. Your name is NOT a necessity.  We are all about protecting our participants. This is your moment. Your moment to share your story with the world. Its your time to SHARE YOUR VOICE. Just send us your story at the above mentioned email address and light up wordpress and our Facebook Page with your stories. No longer will you live in silence but your voice be heard. Grasp this opportunity to SHARE YOUR VOICE.